I am Judas. I am Peter. I wanna be John.

I am Judas.

I love the Lord, but I’ve often chosen my comfort over His will. I’ve betrayed the One who kisses me anyway.

I am Peter.

I love the Lord, but I’ve failed the loyalty test. I’ve felt the weight of the world press in and denied the One who commissions me anyway.

I wanna be John.

I love the Lord, and when the storm rises in me, I long to lean into the chest of the One who asks me to surrender without fear.

Here’s what undoes me:

Jesus washed all their feet.

He fed all of them His Body.

He looked at each of them with the same steady love —

the betrayer, the denier, the beloved.

Mercy met Judas in the garden.

Mercy met Peter in his weeping.

Mercy met John at the Cross.

Mercy met me and didn’t turn away.

Lord,

Take the Judas in me and heal what fear has broken. Take the Peter in me and strengthen what weakness has undone. Take the longing in me for John’s nearness and draw me closer to Your heart than I dare to come on my own.

Please Wash me.
Please Feed me.
Please Call me “friend.”
And teach me, day by day,
to lean into your chest.

joshua